i’m absolutely exhausted of tiptoeing my entire life.
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sometimes all i ask for is for people to have decency
apparently it’s a really difficult thing
is that so hard to ask for?
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I can sense the change in the air, because change is going to happen very soon, and that scent of ‘change’ permeates through the room more quickly than you think, months before it’s actually going to happen.
After I get out of school, my time will be up to me, and I will be around different people (maybe, if I get to go to Korea) and such. I don’t want this to sound like a generic “finding myself” kind of thing I’m going to go through but yeah I guess it sort of is.
Plans:
July - first month of summer break, I’ll go back to a trip of nostalgia and swim through my old memories. Meet old friends, go on neopets, listen to old songs, look at old pictures, reread the books I used to love, all those things that I thought defined who I was.
August - second month of summer break, I’ll use it to prepare for my future. What am I going to do, what do I actually like to do, what do I really like to say, what genre of books do I really like, what am I going to do.
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When waiting is hard, I remind myself that whatever happens, time does pass.
I remind myself by:
1. looking that the clock that always ticks clockwise, never counterclockwise
2. looking at my hair and comparing how long it has grown since the last time I cut it
3. flipping through my old journal
4. looking back at pages on my tumblr
5. thinking back at old conversations
time passes slowly when you’re dreading something in the near future or looking forward to something in the far future. when you have both, it feels like time grabs onto your arm and firmly holds you into place. but, time still passes. it will pass.
